I had the same thing. But I always gave him the benefit of the doubt. I am this woman. Then quarantine hit. Ive tried to talk to him and I ask him if Im still his priority and he does say that Im his priority but he never acts like it. And youll likely receive the same treatment. Especially because hes not an introverted person, he has a lot of friends he goes out with often to play board games or to bars. i know i should understand his busy schedule. He spends hours playing videogames and if I want us to go to bed together I always have to be waiting for him till 4 in the morning even when I have classes at 9, and when I wanna go to bed earlier I cant even sleep because of the noise and flashing lights of the videogame. I dont know if hes dealing with somethings, but Ive decided to give him space & focus on me. I know he is under a huge amount of stress because of work issues and family issues We dont spend much time with each other since we are both extremely busy, however; I am always keen to plan my time so we could at least spend half a day with each other weekly or every two weeks. He said he was my family and I took that wholeheartedly. I envisioned a life time ahead of feeling let down by this person. I told him i was confused and he said he was dealing with smthn and didnt feel like saying what it was but instead he took it out on me. Everything is fried up. But refuses to do that for me. he told me he loved me which he hasnt said in a week 1/2 i was shocked.. he acted normal but careless. You are so young and still have many, many years to find a good guy. Now we seem so disconnected. You won't drive him crazy, you'll push him away and for good. The life situations just put our relationship to the side. Around my birthday time I started to notice that his effort was there mentally and physically. Since Ive moved in with him Ive noticed a big change in things. I used to take accountability for the frequent fights once they started. I then left home and came back a later day. Haha. Then there was the hangovers. 8 Signs Youre Falling Out of Love With Your Partner, How People Who Commit Adultery Justify Cheating, According to an Expert, What to Do If Someone Is Flirting With Your Partner, What Is Breadcrumbing? I had sent him links to little trinkets and gifts. His daughter really likes me. he says he wants to break off because he is busy in his work and stuff. When I try to talk to him about my feelings he never ever knows how to react and just completely closes off from me. Just stop allowing that guy to keep thrusting a dagger in your heart. I found the place, set up the lease. We still work on a project together so its not like I can just cut contact entirely, which I figured might be the reason why he is continuing to text, like he doesnt want things to get uncomfortable between us. I love him a lot- weve been together for 2.5 years- but Im starting to realize that despite my feelings for him, I cant continue on in the relationship if he isnt willing to understand my feelings and desires. My boyfriend had proposed me to marry him on 3rd month dating.. then he was stressed up with his business he didnt know how to handle .. i started helping him and give him directions.. he was getting through in a good way ,though at times i had to push him as he haf started giving up.. but then he broke up with me while am at my work place .. it was terrible..but i couldnt let my personal issues interfere with my work i locked the door of my office and kept on working with tears.. three months later he comes back .. but again he hasnt mentioned he needs a favour .. but he kinda mentioned about something that i was helping him out with telated to his business.. i offered him help yet lol.., and the matter is going well on his favour and he has pulled off again.. bi communication.. am glad i had asked him once if he just came around cause he wanted favour.. he said he still have strong feelings for me.. but deep inside i know he is just using. He can say he loves me and misses me million times a day but then he doesnt make an effort for us to be together when we could because hes just very comfortable. Its so frustrating and difficult when you love a man your boyfriend and he doesnt make any effort to see you, love you, or even respect you. Then they show us who they really are and we dont want to see. Hes going to party for his birthday but couldnt do anything special for me today, especially after everything I do for him. If you aren't getting the attention you need and deserve, it may be time to move on. He was not able to go back to school again because his government decided that no one will graduate this year. Ive been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 years now, i love him and I know he loves me back but, my biggest insecurity is him changing and being lazy in the relationship, which I have noticed he has been doing lately. Monday rolls around, nothing. Id rather focus my energy on someone who can! Im hoping this isnt becoming a pattern. I dont want to push him away. I tried to tell him how rude that was and he didnt understand where I was coming from and proceeded to tell me I was making a big deal about it. Dont turn a blind eye on things that are sign showing and you are not happy for them. But hes continued to ignore my texts/ doesnt make effort to see me. At first, he was working, seeing his daughter, making me coffee in the morning, starting my car for me, doing dishes, and laundry and now ten months in, he lost his job, and I have no idea if hes looking for a job. But no. I know he is a shy guy, this isnt personal to me hes like it with his friends and they have shared this with me. Also be prepared to lose him. Are circumstances in your boyfriends life affecting how he relates to you and others? He tries to make me think Im crazy when I talk him about it. I am really sad about it, because I know we love each other, but this relationship as it is doesnt satisfy me. When I got back to our dorm that night I ft him and told him it felt right but It was also an accident. And then proceeded to call me later like nothing was wrong to tell me about something that happened at work. I got back with my ex after months. Hes a year above me, so he went to the senior high and I still went to the junior high (sophomore and freshman) and he would go out of his way because his school got out earlier, he would walk to the junior high and meet me after school and wed walk home. When I ask him (nearly beg him) to do something so simple such as make the bed, I come home at 3 pm from work when he has the day off and the bed, room, everything including him is a mess! I would go on my off days when I wasnt in collehe classes or work. We just celebrated our 9 months of being together last Sept. His complaint is that no matter what he does is never enough and that I dont contribution anything. Go out more often, meet new people, make friends, get involved with charity organisations or simply start a class for something you always wanted to do; try a new hairstyle, go shopping, take yourself on dates, go to a beach or a lake and enjoy the sunset (yes alone! On a scale of 1 to 10, would you rate your relationship a 1 (you started dating within the last couple of months and are still in the beginning phases of getting to know each other) or a 10 (youve been dating for 20 years and know each other inside and out)? Leaving a person you love is one of the hardest things to do. However, just before christmas time, the same things started to happen again, effort drops off. Antidepressents can be a good way to start on the road back to normal just to give you some emotional stability. Just about two weeks ago, the cycle broke. He constantly tells me he loves me but its starting to feel less true. In regards to the relationship, when you get more rest and relaxation and go back to your favorite hobby, find ways to invite the guy. He was so understanding and apologized for the lack of communication and promised to try his best to communicate more. Especially for someone like me who is lonely all the time. Im planning to attend grad school this coming August and I havent manage to get all my stuff in yet because Im busy with my kiddos, house chores and helping him with work. I keep trying to tell myself this is just a bad patch until I finish school and get a full-time job again- now that hes finally got a new job and should be happy. He is making zero effort for me. Then, all of the sudden the bottom drops out and he is unresponsive. His plan to get a better job (he was very cocky and confident a massive promotion would just land on his lap as soon as he graduated like one day someone would email him out of the blue from Linkedin and offer him a CEO job or something) so he has become depressed. Its been since then that the dating pattern of our relationship has declined significantly. I am learning. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years. This is exactly me, I always feel stupid for caring more, its like the bane of my existence. He now expects this but does not reciprocate. Here are just some of the effects if one partner will fail to pay full time & attention not just with their partner but with the relationship itself. He Wants You To Approach Him First. If your S.O. Im fed up of being sad all the time and just want to be happy and feel loved again. What you talk about really does depend on the issues youre facing, how long youve been together, and why your boyfriend isnt making an effort in your relationship. A healthy relationship should brighten your day, not wondering where you stand. In the past few months that has changed and hes gotten better. I feel like my heart is breaking already, just waiting for the dreaded phone call to say he cant give me what I want when Ive said all I want is some time together an hour here or there, some texts to show he cares I dont feel its much but if its too much for him then I guess I need to accept things. But he appriciate my participation in some kind of sexul things. My boyfriend is a gifts/ Provider type of love which is always been difficult and I try to be super vocal about the ways I feel loved. And he knows that Im on the edge of being homeless and I know theres not much he can do. I started skate boarding and going to the skate park. Which was Im looking so bad I dont want neighbours to see me like this. One of the best things to do when youre confused about your relationship is to pull back and try to see yourself and your boyfriend more objectively. I dont know what to do. Right now I want to clear things out and make this the last time we talk about this, because in the last month I told him many times that I felt like he made no time for me and was making more effort to spend time with his friends than with me, and he doesnt even answers my texts. Wow girl as Im reading this I cant believe I didnt write it lol. And to be fair to him around a year in he got the message and now regularly checks in and asks to meet up. Could it be that he lost interest in me? I was in an abusive relationship before so its scary having to trust someone and their intentions. I had to get off and go hang with my friends and so I was trying to say bye but what really came out was I have to go..I love you..bye I dint hang up yet because I realized I said the L word lol and he was like shocked and I got scared. Ive asked him to work on this and as the article says, he says he will and he does..for about a half a day. Its sad. I am literally in the exact same position. So..instead of taking to his office or doing it later. It could be, very simply, that your S.O. Instead of wishing things were different, practice accepting the fact that you cant change your boyfriend or make him want to spend time with you. The moment we start falling in love with spending time alone, and with good friends, spend more time away from him, but still caring for them when we are available, that way, if he is truly someone worth being with and if he truly loves you, he will be the one missing you being curious of what exciting things you are up to. He loves the gym and usually chooses that over me, hanging out with his friends etc but then when we do actually spend time together hes all over me and appreciates me so much and makes me feel amazing. I dont want to lose him,i made a mistake and have learnt to trust him now! So accept that it will be hard, cry about it for a week or two and try to move on with your life and realize that you deserved so much better then that pos. I cant let go of people. Its like you are not even there. (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); Putting yourself in your boyfriends shoes is important when youre wondering what to do about his lack of effort. im in the same boat as you and it really sucks. THEY ARE DRINKING AN BECOME LAZY. I thought that would be an isolated incident but it happened again this weekend. I felt like I would never find anyone else who would want me, this douche bag was as good as I was ever going to get. Im going through the same thing now. I tell him how much it hurts when he says certain things and that there is ZERO excuse for intentionally hurting someone we love. I trusted his words for way too long. Besides, if hes almost 60, he might be a little old for you. WORKS BUT DOES NOTHING ELSE. he likes to live in the moment as he says. He said he loved me but that he was not happy with me and that it has been a long time since he began feeling this way. It was two day before his birthday so this was like a birthday present. I have been noticing that he is lacking some qualities that I need in a mate. You should definitely read the book why men love b*tches this really goes into depth on why men do that. Hes never been married no kids etc. I have huge expectations but Ive accepted that hes not the guy that throw big surprises and continue to fear that the more I lower my expectations, the more he thinks im willing to settle for less even after his military is over. He is quite affectionate and does make sure the bills are paid etc. Interestingly I dont really like his love, yet Im the one trying to maintain a sex life and hes the one being cold and avoidant? I am tired of him not making a plan and his sudden switch in personalities. He replied: about what? Why cant he put in the effort? Maybes its best we leave it and not have to try so hard with the next person. He keeps telling me that if I think relationships are only about anniversaries and dates, giving each other a label, cheesy stuff, then for him it isnt meaningful. LEAVE HIM. My boyfriend is exactly the same and Ive been relating so much to what youve said in your post! I know that probably sounds silly but his replies are shorter and he doesnt joke around with me like he used to do. He hates my mom which is part of that reason. What did you end up doing ? WebI was recently "set up" by a friend by him giving my number to a friend he thought would be a good match for me. We started with skyping during weekends, to calling sometimes to texting only and recently weve stopped texting as often. I sometimes wonder if my daughter was dating someone like him, if Id tell her to ditch him. No calling. He truly sucks, im sorry but you need to leave him. Weve had a roller coaster of a relationship. So that irritates me as I scramble to get everything I need to get done before he gets there so I can spend time with him instead of homework or dishes or laundry. The three emotions you suggested we wrote down mine were: Last on the priorities, unloved, lonely/lost. hes sick and theres no cure. Like once or twice a week.I asked him to put in some efforts and he said he would change and that he is trying. He never tells me anything until i find out or i discuss my issues. He Is Going Through Something You may have to loosen your attachment and allow your boyfriend to withdraw or even leave. I get 2-3 texts a day and I have to call him every few days just to hear his voice. Its to tell someone what I will, and will not, put up with. I could write a book about the unfolding sh*t show rollercoaster I worried from that start of meeting the man of my dreams would end up being. years later, i went to my facebook to unblock some people in my list, including him. It could be that your partner is losing interest and doesnt know how to communicate that with you," says marriage and family therapist Lynsie Seely. Theres also a clear risk that hell, again, show you exactly how much he cares about you by not fighting for you. Find a low-key, nonthreatening way to approach him. We went on a trip. So, literally, he gives me a quick peck before he goes to work and at least TELLS me he loves me. Meet new people, and make quality friends who youd rather spend time with and make him feel that he is not the ONLY one you have, but a choice you have made to spend some time of your life with. But the good things about that is, by then you honestly love and care about yourself much more than you do love him. He said hes always lacked that proactiveness even with his friends (which Ive seen firsthand) and admitted he let that be my responsibility,not because he didnt want to see me but because it doesnt occur to him to organise. Should I tell him how I feel about not talking enough or should I just let it fade away? I am not at all sure he would do the same for me. It was about the same time he stopped replying. He does not take me out for surprise outings or does not plan anything for us to do as a couple, but still i do not complain much about that. A couple weeks ago, we went to a show which was our first date in a long time. This weekend I went to my sisters house and watched a ball game and the next day went to a movie with a friend. Ive been giving some hint and already talked about how I feel and why Im acting like this. He cant see his daughter now because his crazy ex wife wont let him. I bought him a beautiful set of cufflinks from his university for Christmas. I dont know what to do. I love him so so much and I LOVE spending time with him. You arent asking for too much. I do want to believe its because of all his family issues that all this is happening but I am well known for making excuses for boyfriends when things arent right. My mom knew smthn was up so she said no to taking me. Nothing cleaned up, ingredients still on the counter, and not one thing made for me to eat.. and even better, after letting me in the door, not a how was work. So, whether you've only just noticed your partner giving you the proverbial cold shoulder or have undergone the iciness for weeks/months/years, now is the time to take a closer look at your relationship to establish the reason for the discontent and determine if the partnership is worth mending. But for him, anniversaries are pointless. He said he would change, but he said that before. Like, if they arent happy anymore, why not tell us so we can move on? And making me look like a beast, I spoke with that lady and she felt bad for the text she send me, she even offered to take me out, I agreed to that, she was telling me how his boyfriend has been suspecting the two of them, how his boyfriend has been mistreating Herr and my guy has been always their for her, I believed everything she was telling me, I was still angry with my guy because he lied, one Sunday I received a call from my boyfriends friend, he told me that my guy has been having an affair with his girlfriend from January, he even showed me some photos, my guy and that lady were kissing, even he bought flowers for her on valentines day, I couldnt believe that the guy Ive known for 2yrs can do that to me, after the news I went to my guys house at 9pm, guess what? I know that may seem shallow of me to care about social media that much, but its only because he posts every aspect of his life online and theres never anything about me? I bought so much things to do for his birthday . Recently,he told me hell be busy with work and i tried to understand our situation right now..But he i feel like he doesnt seems to give much effort for this relationship to get closer. He just replied by saying he didnt have any money. fyi, he was at a party yesterday until 6am. I told him about how I felt scared I looked too nerdy in my full protection hear and helmet and everyone else wasnt wearing any. If we cant COMMUNICATE with our guys needs to be worked on by both parties. The first two years of your relationship were his acting skills at the finest. He never posts about me. I asked him where he skated since his bio mentioned he skated and then he said he knew me!! Part of me struggles with feeling like this relationship is way way past it expiration date and needs to be taken out back and put out of its misery but at the same time and I just struggling with what is a natural and normal transition into a long-term relationship? When this happens occasionally, it's normal, but consider it a red flag if it's happening constantly. Then nothing. Don't Ignore the Role of Physical Attraction. ? Afterwards hes been making the time but only when I remind him. It doesnt have to be a big, heavy relationship talk! I wish I had answers for you girl, but Im very much in the same boat, hope we can figure something out, hang in there! Maybe if you dont hear from him send him a positive text that you are thinking of him but let him come to you. Every time I have to make the first move conversation and ask what to do, He has no idea. 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Allow your boyfriend to withdraw or even leave need and deserve, it may be to...