", As an adult who is trying to work past the damage that was done growing up with a BPD mother reading the last part of your response made me cry. Get hand-picked resources and highlights from our Mighty community straight to your inbox. Copyright 2021 NAMI. Hi there, I am now in my 2nd month of treatment for BPD, and ,sadly, had all nine of the symptoms. . I am a woman with BPD. I feel like he doesn't understand that it's a process it will take a long time. . It just doesnt come naturally to us. I'd at least come to an understanding of what it is, how it works, what it does before she did. I think about dying every single day. Live life to the fullest. An open letter from those with BPD Jul 15, 2019 An Open Letter to People who do Not have Borderline Personality Disorder from Those of Us who Do Click here to watch the Video Transcript: Dear Friends, Family Members, Lovers, Ex-lovers, Coworkers, Children, and others of those of us with Borderline Personality Disorder, Its like every step I had ever taken to better myself since my diagnosis, just never happened. "People with BPD are like people with third degree burns over 90% of their bodies. I've spent time in mental health institutions, in therapy, I have made attempts on my own life and I'm 25 years old - I feel I have been through things that most people don't go through until they are much later on in life. I am doing 99% better now that I got proper treatment for the eating disorder. You can also change some of your preferences. I imploded at the thought of those same emotions and endless possibilities all leading you to leave me, to this. Harder than bringing up 4 kids and being away from them for long periods. Once calm, the family can together have an open discussion and achieve setting small goals for the person with BPD. Through Dialectical Behavior Therapy, we can learn how to regulate our emotions so that we do not become out of control. I am a male who's spent the last three and a half years dealing with a partner with BPD, do not give up, there are people who love you enough and are strong enough to deal/fight through this with you. While this is the basic description for BPD, the complexity of this disorder is extreme. I have absolutely no desire to go since my mother, who is one of my past abusers will be there , and I would rather slit my wrists then be around her because she triggers me CONSTANTLY and seems to enjoy doing so Please help me. I told my siblings what I really thought of them a couple days before that, because they always use my past against me, and lie about me. Another thing that you may find confusing is our apparent inability to maintain relationships. She loves her, she wants her to be happy, but to be verbally, emotionally and even sometimes physically abused, she can't be always 'there' for her. , I am so glad that this letter has helped you find some more compassion and understanding for your daughter. Borderline Personality Disorder: Is there hope? Don't give up on YOU. I plan on finding someone who does DBT in my area. I am wondering what to do to help her. I read your letter Debbie and most of the post. If you see anything like this, RUN. We all receive different care and information from professionals and those around us, information has never been so easily accessible. Best of luck! I am sorry that my borderline personality disorder (BPD) got in the way of our family and us. In the interest of our child, I have put him into therapy. If I continue living how I am, I doubt I'll see the age my mother saw54. It's bloody hard work to change your whole life and how you live it. Ask questions. Mental health Carers Helpline. Hello thank you so much for sharing. There is nothing you can do to fix it. Thank you for your heartfelt comment in response to my letter. She read some of your other posts and she said she could see a lot of similarities between us. Thanks for commenting. All of this is new to me, just as it is with so many others, and as much as I would love the help of regular therapy I know that I have to help myself - but it is HARD. We may jump from one friend to another, going from loving and idolizing them to despising them deleting them from our cell phones and unfriending them on Facebook. I wanted to throw in the towel and give up on life. I have never sought treatment (aside from counseling) for my BPD, because mostly group therapy is suggested and the last thing I want to do is talk to a bunch of strangers about my problems . I know someone with BPD and reading the blogs of people who have BPD and are writing their inner thoughts help me to understand what is going through the mind of someone who has BPD. Dear people, I have a professional translation of the letter in Dutch. Someone with BPD might feel fine one second and then really angry or upset the next. Its difficult, after all, to relate to others properly when you dont have a solid understanding of yourself and who you are, apart from everyone else around you. At times I've felt as if, emotionally, I were being held hostage. I feel helpless, powerless to get my feelings accross. Boredom is often dangerous for us, as it can lead to the feelings of emptiness. This is my second year . Borderline personality disorder (BPD), also known as emotionally unstable personality disorder (EUPD), is a serious mental health condition that prevents someone from being able to control. It felt as though my very real issues were being labelled as some sort of 'mood swing'. You're absolutely right that small paragraph is all that any mother with BPD who has damaged her children not only should say but it's the only thing she has any right to say. Anyway, other programs in the area (I was without work for awhile) want NOTHING to do with mental health issues. I have subjected myself to 2 abusive relationships, and have 2 children by both of my abusers. I LOVE lashing out at my supportive boyfriend (thank GOD he is learning about this). So thank you. Needing Constant Reassurance or Validation "I ask for reassurance because I worry I'm miscommunicating or misinterpreting someone. They have the ability to support the BPD. The one thing I would add is that people with BPD need to recognize that no matter the rationale for their actions, they do hurt people, and hurt people have a right to their feelings as much as people with BPD have a right to their own feelings. I have found some wonderful resources but they are all for the person affected by the BDP subhuman (heh). But what the BPD sees as abandonment, we see as self care (which ironically is one of the suggestions handed down in this open letter). So when a parent exhibits BPD symptoms, and the child becomes the target of these behaviors, it impacts who they are and who they will become. Thank you for taking the time to leave such a kind comment. I was diagnosed with BPD about seven years ago. First of all I want to commend you on your progress and all the hard work that I am sure you have gone through to get to where you are now, especially having the courage to write this letter. It was total and it was overwhelming and it could be cruel." Cassandra Clare. I have learned with time and education on my part that her pain is not my fault and it is not my responsiblity to fix. I also see your side and know you must have been through alot with her and you have to protect yourself and your family. But you say it is possible to recover to heal have hope and a normal life. If only we all got it laid out like this. Yesterday, I had to say goodbye to a dear friend of mine, because I became emotional and said things I never should have. But I would like to point out that I am not (neither are other people with this disorder) hopeless to date. When I was scared, I ran away and hid. My heart breaks each time. Juliette Virzi. I am praying for you, too. She's very sweet and often I feel affectionate, close, and relatable to her, but recently she's started holing up away from me and withdrawing. As I read your open letter, I tried to imagine my daughter saying this to me.how very helpful! The emotion can easily become unbearable, which is when the BPD takes control. I have friends with mental illnesses who are therapists, and I've even had a therapist who struggled with an eating disorder. I am borderline, but also bipolar, which I take medication for. I would be a misserable person with no goals. I would have missed my little princess daughter, missed my husband, missed out on my "recovery". Mahari, a Canadian woman and Life Coach now 52 years old, who recovered from Borderline Personality Disorder 14 years ago writes an open letter to all who have been, as she was at the age of 19, diagnosed with BPD. My family "tolerates" me. It's seriously messed up. He left me nearly 4 weeks ago.It's over now. That still doesn't negate the real pain that people with BPD do cause. This isn't to say that they're evil. I had an outstanding relationship with her with much in common and few if any disagreements to the extent that I am totally convinced that she was 'the one' for me (I'm a 48 year old man that has been around the block enough to be a good judge of this) and am not entirely prepared to give up on her. And a couple days ago I put my guitar away and said, Im done.. Can't take their word for anything. The stigma. It's sad that I would have to use our son as an instrument to get my wife in front of a mental health professional, but it is the only way I can see him being protected from the long term effects of this mental illness. None. Don't think we will ever get back now, gotta give it to her though, she was the only one who understood me. The mood swings experienced by people with BPD can lead to issues with impulsive behavior and can contribute to relationship problems. If my sister would actually seek out the help she really does need, instead of expecting everyone to conform to her ideas and expectations, I would be a little more hopefully. I think all the time, but, what DO I DO?! He pushes me away but I can hear his cry for help. This situation has been devastating because we were planning to get married and I wanted nothing more than that but her unwillingness to even realize that there could be something and act is what made me left, also because I was already showing signs of burn out such as anxiety, insomnia and depression that led me to my own therapy. Thank you so much for sharing.You have so many people you need to reach.If only I could help in some way. It can be really difficult to know how to cope when someone has emotion dysregulation issues and is incredibly emotionally sensitive. So for the next two months she drove an hour each way to attend IOP. My wife got me a book back in 2004 called Walking On Egg Shells that has helped me so very much. I myself work in the mental health field and see her mental health declining. A normal life can be had. I wish more people could understand what it's like, but you're right- we don't know what it's like for them to see us this way either. We fully respect if you want to refuse cookies but to avoid asking you again and again kindly allow us to store a cookie for that. The Socialist Republic of Romania (Romanian: Republica Socialist Romnia, RSR) was a Marxist-Leninist one-party socialist state that existed officially in Romania from 1947 to 1989. They said that it was more important to show me how much they love me than to go on long vacations alone. Ive read that DBT could be the answer to her unpredictable behaviour and fears, the problem is that we were stuck in a step before. If you've ever read anything about BPD, you've probably heard of people who are "abusive . He seems to be in complete denial of my diagnosis. I also shared this letter with my husband so that maybe he will have a better understanding of what I go through. But he has so little insight. I think you are the first Norwegian to tell me about her BPD blog. I just wish more people were aware of how damaging the things they say really are to anyone with any kind of mental illness. I'd use this (edit it of course) if I was getting the help I need. Smiles, Well here goes. There is a lot of misconception out there about BPD. I tried to be responsible. I suspect that my ex-wife is BPD, but I am at a loss to deal with it because she is completely unaware. Please trust that, with professional help, and despite what you may have heard or come to believe, we CAN and DO get better. Perhaps he still loves me and he still wants to try (I think he's been having a breakdown anyway, due to his father being very ill and the chance he'll be homeless when his dad dies). I am sorry you had to grow up too soon. I thought life was hopeless and i would always feel the way i do. . I am co-dependent, which I regard as simply the other side of the coin. I STRUGGLE to focus. And it also made me aware of a lot of my behavior that i was never aware of and now i have a better understanding of some of the things i do and why. Early on in our diagnosis and before really digging in deep with DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy), we dont have the proper tools to tell you this or ask for your support in healthy ways. You may find that difficult to believe, since we may lash out at you, switch from being loving and kind to non-trusting and cruel on a dime, and we may even straight up blame you. She blew up, tore into me for a good 30 minutes before breaking up with meshe breaks up every time she gets mad, then acts as though it had never happened a few hours later, or the next day). Its important that we stay safe and not hurt you or ourselves. UPDATE: A video version of this letter, complete with narration and text, is now available for viewing and sharing by clicking HERE. I was petrified of losing you; the intensity of my emotions, the world and the endless possibilities absolutely petrified me. We are highly emotionally sensitive and have extreme difficulty regulating/modulating our emotions. I have only receintly learned of BDP when searching for answers to why my relationship was not able to progress. UPDATE: A video version of this letter, com, plete with narration and text, is now available for viewing and sharing by clicking, https://www.my-borderline-personality-disorder.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/healing-from-bpd-e1577900769964.jpg, An Open Letter From Those of Us With Borderline Personality Disorder. I'd probably try again if he asked me, but I know he won't. Signs and symptoms of borderline personality disorder. People with BPD may experience just a few or all of these common signs and symptoms: Extreme or unstable emotions. The hardest thing about tonight's episode is that I don't know how long it will take for her to recover. We cant imagine how helpless you must feel to witness this. ~ Dave M. Also, during those long recovery periods, she will fixate on a distorted, misremembered and misquoted version of something I'd said during the fight, always distorted to be much harsher than what I actually said, and sometimes completely "fabricated" with no basis in anything I said. 4301 Wilson Blvd., Suite 300 heartbroken77 Consumer 0 Posts: 12 Joined: Wed Nov 25, 2009 4:23 am Local time: Mon Nov 28, 2022 2:16 am Blog: View Blog (0) What you have written here is one of the most accurate and personable depictions of BPD, it gives way to understanding and hope. I pray that she is able to find a place where you are now. Click on the different category headings to find out more. Doing a lot of reading keep reading things like don't get bogged down on the details, focus on her emotions, don't get defensive. I am a non that just recently gave up after 4 years of chaos. She remained in a crisis unit for two weeks without any contact. BPD Community Victoria. I have suffered with BPD since I was 11, I didn't get help until I was 34. My wife was diagnosed with BPD a number of years ago and it's been more of a battle for her than for me. , Oh Debbie, once again, you have kept it real. Any suggestions? The relationship is different, the experiences are different, and the harm caused is different. I have been reading many different sites and randomly came to your blog tonight. Having empathy, or an understanding of BPD, does very little in terms of helping someone heal from, or protect themselves from, this abuse. Hope can be returned. DBT stories from people around the world recovering from BPD. People started telling me that I was using my diagnosis as an excuse for my bad behavior. A Brief Look at My Life with Borderline Personality Disorder. symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder, Impulsivity and Borderline Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Recovery: What It Can Look Like. Read it and notice the many lessons within: === "Hello Rick! An Open Letter From Myself, With BPD, To My Loved Ones. Now that we are divorced with a shared custody agreement for our son, she has become impossible to deal with. So here I sit feeling sorry for my self and a whole lot lost. But the pain is there all the same. I have a wife and a Daughter who both have BPD wanting to die and both are in Psych Wards. It was so helpful to me. I am the 30 year old sister with BPD. I am a 39yr old female who recently got diagnosed with BPD. We havent outgrown this. But right now, she would react in a completely negative way to even the suggestion that she needs help. I worked as part of a DBT team during the last few years before my retirement. People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) struggle to understand how wives, husbands, friends, and other family members experience their intense reactions, mood swings, and risky behavior. I am sorry I was selfish. And most importantly, maybe I had a chance to get better. I couldnt talk to you then, and I cant really talk to you now. This insidious illness is as we know is the relationship killer. I work from home. I admire all of you, everyone of you, that can speak out! It has resulted in many failed friendships and rejections, one failed relationship, and has damaged my current one (why he has stayed, I don't really know). It is very well written and to the point. We provide you with a list of stored cookies on your computer in our domain so you can check what we stored. Changes will take effect once you reload the page. So hard sometimes. I can't believe they still employ me (which reminds me I'm am Thee master of self-sabatoge)Every day I am paranoid, anxious, overwhelmed. Thank you for the letter and I have seen a lot of younger people diagnosed early in life.I remember feeling this suicidal attempt when I was 15..but never went for any therapy..I just lived life and had my children and worked all the time too. Every single time you bring me back down when I'm fighting through a trembling and breathless panic attack that makes absolutely no sense to you. Princess Diana: The disorder is also prevalent in royal families, and the most charismatic and famous celebrity suffering from it was Princess Diana. My belief in it is fading. I walked away so she wouldnt have to deal with that; because no one should have to. I would be very pleased to share it with you. It takes even more work when there We are not mental health professionals nor clinicians. It's hard. He wanted to change so bad I can see the frustration in his eyes each time he hurt people with his words. This is called dissociation. Debbie,This was an amazing letter that you wrote!!! Thank you for the hope you have given us.and putting it in terms we can understand. I wish I had read this 6 year's ago. Dear Friends, Family Members, Lovers, Ex-lovers, Coworkers, Children, and others of those of us with Borderline Personality Disorder. A lover, a friend, a parent or sibling, and a coworker all have the privilege of having a frame of reference to place the borderline in. People with BPD have various triggers that can set their symptoms in motion. I hope to afford continuing to see my therapist. All Rights Reserved. BPD & Emotional Distress: Our choices impact our nervous systems, TIRED OF SELF-SABOTAGING?! My heart breaks every day for them. I no longer do the things I used to do. All Rights Reserved. Ive not recovered fully from this. I don't know what to do anymore. Life can be hard for all of us at times, and if you are struggling with the problems that face people with BPD then it can get really tough. BPD symptoms can include complex and unhealthy thought processes, anxiety, poor self-image, and dramatic mood swings. I have strong reasons to beleive my exfiance has BPD. Thank you so much for your openess, dedication and help. You have said all the things I've always wanted to say to the people who are or who have been in my life. We're currently in the middle of another episode as I write this. It wasn't untill this year, despite 15 years of being labelled, i was able to get that changed. Brea, it can be really difficult when financials are suffering, but there are many people out there self-teaching the skills until such a time that they can afford to go to groups or individual DBT. I know its because you had to. We need 2 cookies to store this setting. please know that at the very same time that we are pushing you away with our words or behavior. After experiencing a lack of support at work, Beth became a champion for workplace mental health. While you can attempt to be sensitive with the things you say and do, thats not always possible, and its not always clear why something sets off a trigger. Her idea of help is everyone doing what she wants, on her schedule. Here are some ideas: Not all of the situations I described apply to all people with Borderline Personality Disorder. She blames our divorce completely on me, taking no responsibility at all. Dave M everything that you wrote is what I'm going through at the moment. Distancing can also trigger all kinds of abandonment and trust issues for the "BPD" partner (as described in #4). Because these cookies are strictly necessary to deliver the website, refusing them will have impact how our site functions. In the past when she gets to busy she ends up in the hospital. I tried telling them what I KNEW I needed treatment wise, but because it wasn't available to me, they kept telling me I just didn't WANT to get better and wouldn't take the help offered even though I actually did go through all the groups offered, which didn't help because of the other issues I struggled with which they just said was BPDit wasn't. I want to know that honesty and loyalty exist. Thank you. Thanks again. Click to enable/disable _ga - Google Analytics Cookie. I guess my point is, Is there hope for a person with BPD that can even realize that something is wrong despite I can see many symptoms?Thank you so much for your guidance. I knew I had been depressed earlier but nothing major to me. My friend is having a sense of impending doom. Im still scared youll meet someone now who will offer you and the children everything I cant. I suffered massive trauma throughout my life but particularly when i was 16 years old. This is known as PTSD, and it happens to a lot of us, too.). It's a commitment, but I fully intend to be there for her and listen and work through it when she's ready. I need frequent reminders of this, because if I dont it feels like I will lose faith in humanity completely, and that will shatter every belief I have ever held dear. This is the hardest thing of all for me to overcome. I hope somewhere in her heart she truly KNOWS the love I have for her and though I may never be able to see it returned to me, I everyday press on in my efforts to support her and encourage positive change. We may request cookies to be set on your device. I was petrified of losing you; the intensity of my emotions, the world and the endless possibilities absolutely petrified me. Remember that your words, love, and support go a long way in helping your loved one to heal, even if the results are not immediately evident. Now she teaches DBT, has written several books and has a blog called, Previous post: Finding peace amongst the turmoil, An Open Letter to People who do Not have Borderline Personality Disorder from Those of Us who Do, this blog (Healing from BPD by Debbie Corso), Remind yourself that the persons behavior isnt your fault, Tap into your compassion for the persons suffering while understanding that their behavior is probably an intense reaction to that suffering, Do things to take care of YOU. Even our perception that abandonment is imminent can cause us to become frantic. , There are still some professionals who are not up to speed with the treatments that can effectively help those with BPD. Great job!!! I am sorry I didn't get help. I am so incredibly happy that you have found some hope! In addition to learning more about BPD and how to self-care around it, be sure to do things that you enjoy and that soothe you, such as getting out for a walk, seeing a funny movie, eating a good meal, taking a warm bath whatever you like to do to care for yourself and feel comforted. I so desperately want you to understand. Its a cycle of negativity. Thanks for reminding me that there are people out there who can still sympathise x, I have BPD, i'm from Norway. I could never blame them for not wanting to be around me, but this all left and leaves me with absolutely no support system. We need help with how he can support me and she is willing to speak to us about what its like for families of BPD. Share it with you just a few or all of the coin to beleive my exfiance BPD. Up too soon help is everyone doing what she wants, on her schedule wife got me a book in! To you then, and dramatic mood swings BPD may experience just a or... 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